I can't manage a day off work
Apr. 25th, 2026 12:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
unicorndukeMonday was supposed to be my day off work this week, I spent it setting out row covers and row cover supplies and getting the tractors/sprayers setup for dad. I was supposed to take today off with the INCH OF RAIN, but my dad convinced me that we needed to put the row covers back out for tonight and tomorrow's potential cold so we did that this morning. he wanted to wait until 4 or 6pm tonight when we got another half inch of rain. I said this morning or it isn't happening today because the row covers will just rip if you try to unfold them while wet. I wanted to do it tomorrow night because I don't think it'll freeze tonight with how wet it is and they'd dry out tomorrow. I'm getting real sick of my dad's absolute ridiculous optimism, today's example was: it'll take less than an hour to spread the row covers, it's easy. it took 2 hours and it wasn't easy. I want him away from day to day grunt work and doing special project stuff with no timeline because that's what he's best at. or a deadline but not urgent.
I did get my grocery shopping done first thing and hit an estate sale where I picked up some fleece fabric and a bunch of linens and blankets new in the bags of various sizes. I always feel bad at estate sales because a lot of times it's clear the person who lived there wasn't having a good time. This person was a crafter clearly but also someone who spent a lot of money on stuff and never used it. The linens were all new in bags, there was fabric ordered online sealed in bags. The house was absolutely packed with stuff and this was the second sale they had put on already and they'll have more in the coming weeks. I also picked up a set of bowls since I own so few sets of dishes. I'm going to store everything I got in the shed for now.
hormones are giving me hell this week so I have been fighting the pit of despair by eating chocolate chips because I ran out of food to snack on except for those. I got granola bars and snyders of hanover now makes thicc pretzel rods gluten free and they're perfect and wonderful. expensive tho. I guess gluten free oreos aren't wildly expensive relatively so there's that for scaled up production
When am I supposed to make food??? how do people do this??? how did I do this??? my first job out of college I worked 60+ hours a week and it didn't feel like this??? and that was right in the middle of figuring out I had to eat gluten free??
this feeling is exacerbated by my parents. my mom makes all of my dad's food and does all of his laundry and all of the cleaning. literally. every bit of it. and sometimes I get the feeling that he expects me to work the same hours he used to despite the fact that I don't have a wife who does all the housework. I have to fucking eat and make my own fucking food all the time because I can't/won't eat a lot of premade food which is also expensive! My dad is the "how much could bananas cost" meme except old person style because he hasn't gone to a grocery store in 30 years. I suspect this is also the pit of despair talking. thank goodness for my past self making triple batches of pita breads and freezing them. and my rice cooker. all hail my rice cooker. would love to get my instant pot back into the house to use as a slow cooker someday. I managed to cook the hot italian sausage I bought for calzones and have been eating that over rice with marinara sauce, the cheese for ricotta and canned chickpeas. a little odd, very edible. I have supplies for more food, no clue when I'm going to make it .
I don't understand why this is fucking me up so bad. people move back in with their parents all the time. I cohabitate with people. writing out my feelings hasn't helped. not writing out my feelings hasn't helped. I kinda just want someone to pat me gently on the head and tell me I'm doing my best but no one I want to do that is within a three hour drive. actually that list of people is maybe like, two people total, I don't want people touching me.
anyway, the local drag bingo that was supposed to be next weekend got canceled, which I was looking forward to. I bought tickets for a concert in western MA for august to hang out with B. maybe my sister and her friends are coming to visit in July. but holy shit I need some social time in the next two months. oh wait, that would require days off l o l
the pit of despair is having a lot of feelings right now. I also ran out of fruit a couple days ago so that's not helping. and I ran out of yogurt and couldn't get to the store or had time to make more so my breakfasts weren't normal and I've been out of hazelnuts for breakfast for ages. okay, the pit of despair is very valid for all those feelings, this is too much away from normal routines. I also just ate lunch so hopefully the pit of despair will go away for a little bit.
Farming work has been going well other than the frost risk so that's been nice, just my personal life is a disaster. We did lose some strawberries to the 21F we had the other day despite the row covers, so there basically was nothing else we could do there. We figured out there was a missing bolt on the plow that would keep the cylinders going sideways and breaking in a specific way. Most of the raspberries are done being pruned. One of the workers and I cranked on the wood mulch pile and reduced it by 2/3 over the last few days and I got a lot of it spread on the blueberries. The strawberry fields have been plowed and disked once. They need fertilizer and a second disking but closer to planting next weekend. I got three sidejob plans done.
I don't know! I've told my parents both to their faces that I want them to move out and I will help them with whatever needs to happen to make it happen. But I can't force them to.
A smart person would go make food right now but the kitchen isn't clean enough to bake so I can't make more stuff for this week. I should try and make food tomorrow night but I still have leftovers and we'll have our evening farm meeting tomorrow and then crafting monday and gaming tuesday. arg. I might be able to bake tuesday? if it rains more. maybe. anyway, last PWHL hockey games before playoffs so I'm just crocheting and watching them because that's what I've got. I might see if I can get another sidejob task done today.
I did get my grocery shopping done first thing and hit an estate sale where I picked up some fleece fabric and a bunch of linens and blankets new in the bags of various sizes. I always feel bad at estate sales because a lot of times it's clear the person who lived there wasn't having a good time. This person was a crafter clearly but also someone who spent a lot of money on stuff and never used it. The linens were all new in bags, there was fabric ordered online sealed in bags. The house was absolutely packed with stuff and this was the second sale they had put on already and they'll have more in the coming weeks. I also picked up a set of bowls since I own so few sets of dishes. I'm going to store everything I got in the shed for now.
hormones are giving me hell this week so I have been fighting the pit of despair by eating chocolate chips because I ran out of food to snack on except for those. I got granola bars and snyders of hanover now makes thicc pretzel rods gluten free and they're perfect and wonderful. expensive tho. I guess gluten free oreos aren't wildly expensive relatively so there's that for scaled up production
When am I supposed to make food??? how do people do this??? how did I do this??? my first job out of college I worked 60+ hours a week and it didn't feel like this??? and that was right in the middle of figuring out I had to eat gluten free??
this feeling is exacerbated by my parents. my mom makes all of my dad's food and does all of his laundry and all of the cleaning. literally. every bit of it. and sometimes I get the feeling that he expects me to work the same hours he used to despite the fact that I don't have a wife who does all the housework. I have to fucking eat and make my own fucking food all the time because I can't/won't eat a lot of premade food which is also expensive! My dad is the "how much could bananas cost" meme except old person style because he hasn't gone to a grocery store in 30 years. I suspect this is also the pit of despair talking. thank goodness for my past self making triple batches of pita breads and freezing them. and my rice cooker. all hail my rice cooker. would love to get my instant pot back into the house to use as a slow cooker someday. I managed to cook the hot italian sausage I bought for calzones and have been eating that over rice with marinara sauce, the cheese for ricotta and canned chickpeas. a little odd, very edible. I have supplies for more food, no clue when I'm going to make it .
I don't understand why this is fucking me up so bad. people move back in with their parents all the time. I cohabitate with people. writing out my feelings hasn't helped. not writing out my feelings hasn't helped. I kinda just want someone to pat me gently on the head and tell me I'm doing my best but no one I want to do that is within a three hour drive. actually that list of people is maybe like, two people total, I don't want people touching me.
anyway, the local drag bingo that was supposed to be next weekend got canceled, which I was looking forward to. I bought tickets for a concert in western MA for august to hang out with B. maybe my sister and her friends are coming to visit in July. but holy shit I need some social time in the next two months. oh wait, that would require days off l o l
the pit of despair is having a lot of feelings right now. I also ran out of fruit a couple days ago so that's not helping. and I ran out of yogurt and couldn't get to the store or had time to make more so my breakfasts weren't normal and I've been out of hazelnuts for breakfast for ages. okay, the pit of despair is very valid for all those feelings, this is too much away from normal routines. I also just ate lunch so hopefully the pit of despair will go away for a little bit.
Farming work has been going well other than the frost risk so that's been nice, just my personal life is a disaster. We did lose some strawberries to the 21F we had the other day despite the row covers, so there basically was nothing else we could do there. We figured out there was a missing bolt on the plow that would keep the cylinders going sideways and breaking in a specific way. Most of the raspberries are done being pruned. One of the workers and I cranked on the wood mulch pile and reduced it by 2/3 over the last few days and I got a lot of it spread on the blueberries. The strawberry fields have been plowed and disked once. They need fertilizer and a second disking but closer to planting next weekend. I got three sidejob plans done.
I don't know! I've told my parents both to their faces that I want them to move out and I will help them with whatever needs to happen to make it happen. But I can't force them to.
A smart person would go make food right now but the kitchen isn't clean enough to bake so I can't make more stuff for this week. I should try and make food tomorrow night but I still have leftovers and we'll have our evening farm meeting tomorrow and then crafting monday and gaming tuesday. arg. I might be able to bake tuesday? if it rains more. maybe. anyway, last PWHL hockey games before playoffs so I'm just crocheting and watching them because that's what I've got. I might see if I can get another sidejob task done today.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-25 06:14 pm (UTC)That's all kinda rough. I hope it gets better.
At a guess, it sounds like your parents haven't updated their priors about you in approximately forever, and this keeps them from noticing you as yourself being there.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-25 07:42 pm (UTC)