Pride in rural places

[unicornduke]

Last night was my coworker's retirement party and I helped with setup. It was held at a farm in the middle of nowhere, no cell service even. The farmers have been great and I've checked traps there sometimes. 

They fly a pride flag on their flagpole under the USA flag. 

I am always a little wary going to a new farm for the first time and I went solo the first time a few years ago, filling in for my coworker checking traps. And when I got there and saw the pride flag, I was relieved. I've been back a lot but often there wasn't anyone at the farm and I think I talked to someone once. 

They have a brewery and do pizzas and things and they have a beautiful patio, so it really was a good location for a party. 

I got there early for setup and chatted with the owner and then the brewery manager introduced himself. I clocked him as possibly queer. We got all setup, party went great, everything awesome. 

At the end of the party, when I was getting ready to leave, I decided to go and thank the owner for flying the pride flag and how it meant a lot to me. And so I did and the brewery manager (B) was standing there too. And it went very well, and she was so happy and looked at the reality of it as something she could do for other folks. She knew how rural the area was and how hard it could be and it was a lovely conversation. 

I got ready to leave and B caught up with me and gave me a hug. And we talked about the flag and how he was local and fairly lonely and having a hard time. He said the owners of the farm were like family to him and understood him better than his own family and apparently there had been some issue and the pride flag had come down for a bit but went back up. He came off as younger than I expected, he had to be 21 since he was serving alcohol but he seemed very young to me. I asked what his plans were and he said he was planning to move away, but possibly to the nearest city and not to NYC or something. I explained a little of my experience with rural living and how hard but good it could be and how there's a lot of options no matter where he ends up. I think he mostly just wanted someone who would understand. 

He had to go back to work and I was exhausted and driving home I realized I should have given him my phone number. But I'm glad we talked and it was a wonderful connection to make. I'll be checking traps up there until my coworker's replacement starts so if I see the farm owner when I go, I'm going to give her my phone number to give to B in case he wants to talk. I thought about emailing but I don't know who checks the email and didn't want to risk it. 

Hopefully that was enough, a little bright spot.

Comments

[ranunculus]

I've thought of flying a rainbow flag at the Red Barn. It would be a contrast to the Trump flag next door. After a lot of thought I'm not doing it. I want everyone, no mater what they believe (or how they vote), to be comfortable coming to my place. That doesn't mean this short, tie-dye wearing woman with a very short haircut won't happily tell anyone that I'm LBTGQ+ sympathetic.
Anyway I'm really glad that the farm you visited felt it could. Sometimes an encouraging word is enough to change a life.
Just saw a nice segment on Beechgrove Gardens show (Scottish Gardening) about a community garden in, I think, Glasgow, which is a LBTGQ "safe place" and for whom the spokesperson was open about being Trans. Looked like they were doing a good job, that day they had a bunch of people there gardening in the rain.

[unicornduke]

I mean, the flag sometimes is to tweak the bigots, but also to tell queer folks that you aren't alone out in a place filled with trump flags. I know that's how I feel any time I see a house flying a pride flag out in the middle of nowhere. We're everywhere, even out here. And the flag flying at the farm is especially important because while most farmers in this area won't be openly bigoted because it will lose them customers, they are willing to say stuff to me and the people who come on the farm and I have to be ready to respond to that. So to go to a farm for the first time by myself, in an area that I wasn't familiar with and has no cell service, it was a relief.

[reedrover]

Rural pride can be tough and it can be good anyway. I’m glad you spoke up to the owners and could provide a sympathetic ear to B. Every little bit counts.

I’m in a weird mix of rural and commuters. Along my winding, no-cell-service road there is one person who put up a huge Trump banner for the first election. It stayed up all four years and into a fifth. Then it disappeared. It has yet to reappear. I have hope that some neighbor or friend got to them and explained just what they were saying to passersby with that sign.

There are some businesses in Old Town that fly the pride flag all year round. And to get to Main Street, a third of drivers get to go past a house that has a big BLM flag and a pride-painted front walk. And that house directly faces a middle school across the street. I hope the kids who need that encouragement see it every day and understand that out there is an adult who wants everyone to know what’s right.

[unicornduke]

I'm hoping it helped, it sounded like he had a plan to go further away when he could and his parents weren't openly homophobic, just of the don't understand it variety. I think I see a lot more of the trump signs and the few pride flags out there because I drive around so much for work and it makes me smile every time to see the pride flags. I just roll my eyes these days at the trump signs, there's so many that I can't get mad about it because then I'll just be mad all the time. Also a lot of Let's Go Brandon signs or flags although they've been slowly disappearing.

Yeah, this farm flies the pride flag all year which I love. And I hope the folks in your area get some comfort from seeing them too!

[redstapler]

I feel like everyone I know in the Hudson Valley/Capital Region/your neck of the woods is queer, but I also know I'm statistics Georg and therefore an outlier and not to be counted.

[unicornduke]

Ha, definitely a function of who you know. This area in particular is about two hours north of where you're probably thinking and definitely extremely rural. Probably 45 minutes from the nearest city and it's actually Amish country. But also even in the Hudson Valley, there's straight people and then also bigots, plenty of trump flags flying everywhere. But that's true no matter where you go, there's no such thing as a truly safe place, but there are safer places.